Sleepless
As I lay here,
Sleepless, wondering, thinking, breathing.
Eyes closed.
A futile attempt to lose myself in my own mind,
What's the point.
Eyes open, staying into the black abyss.
Afraid.
Of the upcoming future.
Of the upcoming struggle.
I close my eyes, again.
These fears, shoved back deep down, away,
and I sleep.
At peace.
Abyss Redux
If you look way back into the deep recesses of my blog, you will find a piece titled Abyss. I did this early in the 08-09 school year, so look hard for it. Also, I've made redo's of most of my pieces from that year. Reach for Glory is still upcoming!
Abyss
Holes,
Dark, dank, black.
Falling.
Slowly, tipping over the edge,
Last thoughts thundering throughout your head,
What you did wrong.
What you did right.
And the Abyss claims yet another soul.
Yet, live on in the hearts of others,
Unforgotten,
Immortal, Even In Death.
Leaf Redux
So fast,
But so slow,
The leaf falls.
A journey,
All ended in one fall.
A whole life,
All ended in one day.
The ground, eager to meet this leaf,
Rushes to find this leaf,
Ready to claim in.
Akin to Death.
Still, like a leaf,
As we fall,
somewhere, someone,
is born again.
Lost Redux
Before I even begin to type this redo, I want to first post the original "Lost". It was dedicated to my english class of last year, and to our teacher, Mr. J.
Lost
The end of the day,
it has come, to move us
to the next.
Although we've had so much
experiences
we've all come out
knowing that much more.
Although it is the end,
we are not lost, never lost.
Redux
The morning greets us,
It has come, to find us,
to pick us up, holding us in the sunlight.
Surviving the night.
We've aged,
And changed,
Fell apart.
Still, in times of trial;
Times of anger,
Pain,
Sorrow,
We have found our way,
And we move forward,
Like a breath exhaled from the world's very own oceans, skies, and earth.
Not lost, never lost.
I really dislike the fact most people in our class of last year discontinued the blogs. I felt like it pulled us together, and walking into english didn't feel like walking into english class. Any of us from last year cannot deny that. It's a huge shame only one person from last year actually stay active on the blogs made last year, or at least, there's only one I know of(Besides Mr. J and myself.) Still, thanks everyone who visits for looking at this, and providing feedback. Every single bit helps, and remember: Be harsh, even if you think it was perfect.
It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. -Carl Sagan
Times change, worlds change, but people, people never change.
What had started as an arduous project is now one of my passions. I love to write; this is where I try to paint pictures--with words. I'm a sophomore in high school, if you're wondering.
Need to contact me for some reason? My email is dsrandhawa3244@gmail.com.
Posted by
Dilpreet
8 comments:
How can I be harsh if I really do think you poetry is perfect, probably because I'm not half as good as you yet. Sleepless reminds me of myself, laying in bed, worrying about my past, present, and future (not college though). If you have ever seen twilight, your second poem almost fits it, though I like it better than the book or movie. It is so unique how each of your poems is not about an object( a little puppy), but more about life and it's struggles. They make you seem like you have been through life already and are looking back on it. I think you writing is incredible!
This idea of redux is interesting. This thematic concept of evolution in writing; as the author changes, so does his work. This makes me want to go back to some of the works I have been pleased with in the past and resurrecting them. I would recommend refraining from large concept words like "pain", "sorrow", "life". The concepts are so unweilding, that the reader is left with too much room to wander, lost from the vision you want to provide with your work. Perhaps spend more time in the concrete, providing images your reader can't turn from. Look to T.S. Eliot as a really cool example of this, "Wipe your hand across your mouth and laugh; the worlds revolve like ancient women gathering fuel in vacant lots." While this is difficult to grasp for literal meaning, the concrete image of the women is crystal clear, and evokes a response. Keep up the writing! And thanks for sharing.
Mr.J & Dilpreet , what if you want people to think what they want about your piece. Couldn't you write a piece meant to remind someone of something personal, or have them take their own veiw onit?
It's very hard(in my opinion) to make someone think whatever they want to. Usually what they think of it is what they want to until you yourself explain it or it's explained in what you write. If you're writing something to a certain person, that's a completely different matter.
Also, Mr. J! The school email randomly deleted all my emails including the one with the poets! The only one I remember on there was Robert Frost, could you please resend it?
Ah, Dilpreet. Lost and the Redux are by far my favorites. There are so many good memories from last year. I miss our class so much. Thanks for those two poems, they take me back to our old class for a minute or two.
I know Abby, I miss it too. And that's why I wrote them, cause not much else I can do to get back there now, huh? Keep writing stuff too! I know you're a busy person but you have to have some time right? I really enjoy reading your stuff, it IS good.
basically, i'm the worst critic ever because of my optimism and broad preferences. having said that, i like the way you write! i like the imagery you convey in Leaf Redux.. good use of personification(:. and i realllyyyy like the array of emotions that are hinted through Sleepless; it reminds me of the mixture of colors put into a drawing. you can see all the colors separately, but when put together, they form a new perception. that, my friend, is good stuff.
& keep it up, i'll be looking forward to new posts :)
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